At the height of my Anxiety Disorder I was working in a busy hospital psychiatric inpatient unit. I was a Mental Health professional, there to help others who had mental health issues and I was secretly in complete turmoil. My Anxiety Disorder was so severe that picking up the telephone in my office was absolute terror for me, attending team meetings, walking into the nurse’s station, seeing clients caused me to experience feelings of absolute terror and dread until eventually my severe Anxiety lead to a Major Depression. On the outside I was professional, competent, outgoing and successful. I was surrounded my mental health professionals but no one had any idea of the agony I was experiencing inside. When we suffer with an Anxiety Disorder we often assume that our inner fears and there for the whole world to see under a large spot light. I would later discover through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy that this was one of the distortions in my thinking. Even though I was feeling fear, the people around me could not see it. I struggled with intense feelings of shame and embarrassment. I started to loathe myself wanting more than anything to rid myself of what I considered to be a flaw that I could not conquer.I have both General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and Social Anxiety so I could be perceived as stand-offish, lazy or unmotivated since I would often avoid certain things out of fear and dread. On the other hand there were times when I could be excessively talkative especially when socially uncomfortable and then spend hours after a social encounter agonizing over what I may have said that was inappropriate or how people may have perceived me. I would ask questions over and over again to make sure that I understood exactly what was going to happen and to seek reassurance. I felt that I always had to be “on” and the pressure I would put on myself to be “on” was exhausting. At the end of a workday I would compare my mental exhaustion as the same feeling as having run a marathon. Mornings were the worst, I would cry in the shower wondering how I could possibly make it through another day.